As Seen On TV

W

hen we were younger, staying up late meant one thing was for sure: nothing would be on TV and we'd get stuck watching those silly "As Seen On TV" infomercials for products that were, by and large, absolutely useless. And with the rise of the internet and the creation of brick-and-mortar "As Seen On TV" stores, these infomercials have mostly fallen by the wayside. But the products are still around, and they're only getting weirder. Here are a few of the more ridiculous items available now.

We'll start off a bit slow with the $29.97 iPhone Alarm Clock. What's that, you say? The iPhone already HAS an alarm clock built in? No, no, that can't be sufficient. This $30 waste of space is basically just a big speaker. So that annoying Marimba tone that you wake up to while resisting the urge to throw the phone at the closet door? It'll just be louder.

The Inflatable Buffet.

And now, we'll go right into the crazy, with the Inflatable Buffet, which is exactly what it sounds like. It's like a pool raft with a space for ice in the center...so it's kind of like an inflatable boat. For just $19.95, you can inflate this, fill it with ice, and keep things like salad bowls and drinks chilled. Or, you know, you could just buy a cooler, like a normal person.

For the fashion-forward crowd, check out the Pajama Jeans or the Trendy Top. The Trendy Top is useless. It's basically a dickie, except instead of a faux-turtleneck, it's a faux-undershirt. Basically, a tube top that you wear around your hips to mask too-short shirts or to be one of the cool kids who layers more than one shirt. We can't imagine why you wouldn't just...wear a second shirt, especially since this thing probably leaves a sort of pantyline (since its more like underwear than a shirt) in the middle of your stomach. PASS.

Pajama Jeans.

Pajama Jeans claim to look like "real denim," but they actually just look like blue sweatpants with pockets. They're "so comfortable you'll want to wear them to bed," which leaves us wondering...are you not supposed to wear something called pajamas to bed? Are these pants intended for life outside the house? If so, we need a moment. To puke. Seriously, just put some real pants on.

Another useless peddle is the Sticky Buddy. It's a lint roller. That you can get at your local grocery store for $3. But for some reason, these people thought that you might want to just, you know, order a more expensive version of a roll of tape from the internet and have it delivered. Dumb.

Okay. We'll cut the ASOTV crew a break. One infomercial that hasn't been a total dud is the Autohammer. While it seems a little silly to have nails preloaded into a hammer rather than hold the hammer with one hand and the nail with the other for a more precise hit, some people might really get some use out of this. For example, if you have one arm. No, seriously.

The GyroBowl.

Another useful one (especially if you've got messy kids) is the Gyro Bowl. No, it's not a bowl that refills itself with spit-cooked meat (we wish), but rather a gyroscopic bowl that resists spilling. The idea is that your kid will hold the bowl by its handles and the bowl will rotate in such a way that in relation to the handles, the bowl will always be rightside-up. If your kid holds the bowl by, you know, the bowl, though, you're kind of out of luck.

But while the As Seen On TV products may sometimes strike gold, the trend more often than not is that they're sold for chump change near the checkout lane at your local Walgreen's, where instead of flying off the shelves, they gather dust.

Have you ever purchased anything off an infomercial? What's your favorite ridiculous invention?