7 Great Time Wasters

" it's easy to pick the chicken sandwich with the idea that chicken is inherently better for you than a cheeseburger "

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pps are great. Who doesn’t love apps? If you have a smart phone, you love your apps. From your web browser to your Facebook app to that app that lets you slydial (going directly to someone’s voicemail with no danger of them answering the phone), there are a bazillion apps out there to help you with everything from banking to uploading sepia-toned pictures to hooking up. But some are just plain dumb.

When you think of time wasters, you might think of things like Facebook, Words With Friends, or Angry Birds. But those are not the true time waster apps. What we’re talking about here are those apps that do one really stupid thing. The ones you download for free and play with for five minutes and then keep on your phone so you can show your friends and then never, ever use again.

Here are seven of our favorites.

2What's that? You want to pretend your iPhone is all steamed up? What's it like to be so bored?

The Ugly Meter
The king of all useless apps became the number one download on the iTunes store after the app’s developer appeared on the King of All Media’s radio show. As Howard Stern listeners know, the app lets you take a picture of your face and then uses a complicated algorithm to determine your attractiveness, based on facial symmetry. It then gives you a score between 0 and 10, with 0 being Ronnie the Limo Driver ugly and 10 being pure perfection. The free version is imprecise, allowing you to get a different score every time you use it, but if you want to buy the “premium” version, you are promised an accurate result.

 AppFusion
The only useful thing about this app is that it combines several useless apps into one. There’s “Shock” which shows bolts of electricity and makes a buzzing sound when you touch the screen, and “Stun” which shows a taser-looking device which, when activated, makes a buzzing sound and causes your phone’s flash to go on and off in rapid succession. Then there’s “Pop” which lets you pretend to pop pretend bubble wrap. “Crack” lets you feel like you are cracking glass, “Fire” lets you make sizzling flames, and our personal favorite “Steam” shows you what looks like a fogged-up window and lets you wipe it clear with your finger. Literally seconds of fun.

Don’t Dial
This is one of several anti-drunk dialing apps out there. This one lets you lock out key contacts for 24 hours so that when you go out and get blasted and can’t control your impulses, you won’t be able to dial up that ex and tell them how much you really love them and how sorry you are that you...whoa was that a rat? I think I left my wallet in that cab. But why am I on my bike...Who is this?

Cell Phone Strobe Light
Turns your phone into a strobe light. Perfect for inducing epileptic seizures or...well...that’s really about it.

Hold On
Put your finger on the imaginary button and keep it there for as long as you can. A timer clocks your time. That’s it. It costs $ 0.99. This is not a joke. 

Mayan Doomsday Clock
Unlike the DoomsDay Clock app, which mirrors the actual doomsday clock created in 1947 that symbolizes how close humanity is to obliterating itself in a nuclear holocaust, the Mayan Doomsday Clock simply counts down to midnight on December 21, 2012 when, we promise, absolutely nothing will happen. Seriously.

Perfect Circle
Draw a circle with your finger. Then get a score based on how close to a perfect circle you’ve drawn. Excellent for perfecting those underdeveloped drawing-circles-with-your-finger skills.