It's The Drive-Thru Life

With the ever-quickening pace of life, it seems only natural that more and more of the places we need to go have drive-thru lanes. From the time you turn 16 and get your driver’s license to the time when the state pries it out of your cold, almost-dead hands, you can do all kinds of things without ever turning off the engine.

The Bank. You know the old saying, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch?” Yeah. It’s not quite meant to be taken literally, but there really is no such thing as a free lunch. Hit the bank and get some cash—you’ll need it later.

The Dry Cleaners. On your way to work, drop off your shirts and slacks. They’re wrinkly.

What can't you do in a drive-thru these days?

Starbucks. Now that you’ve been awake for two hours before even starting work, you’re going to need something to keep you from falling asleep in your cubicle.

Fast Food. After you’ve worked three or four hours, quell that grumbling in your stomach (your coworkers are wondering if there’s a lion in the next office) with some food. We’d give you a list, but seriously, just about any kind of food you want is available at a drive-thru. If you’re looking for some mid-day nostalgia, check out Maid-Rite in Springfield, Illinois—they claim to have opened the first drive-thru window.

The Library. After you’ve punched the clock, remember to drop off your books at the library, or pick them up. Some libraries, like one in Ottawa in Ontario, Canada, offer not only drop-off boxes but pick-up windows. How convenient!

The Post Office. Mail in your rent check, your student loan payment, or that secret-admirer love letter. Whatever you need to send off, you can do it just by rolling down your window.

Alcohol. TGIF. If it was a tough day at work (or even if it wasn’t—we’re not judging), swing by the Brew-Thru in North Carolina or one of the frozen-drink stops in Louisiana and Texas. Don’t worry, it’s legal; these frozen-drink dispensaries simply put a piece of tape over the drinks’ lids to get around open container laws.

Strip Club. Now that you’ve loosened up a bit (not that we’re advocating drinking and driving), swing by Pennsylvania’s drive-thru CLIMAX Gentleman’s Club —a very subtle name, we know. Oh no, it’s closed (and has been since 2009, unfortunately).

Sex Shop. Well, since the strip club’s boarded up…is this getting weird for anyone else? Huntsville, Alabama is home to Pleasures, a drive-thru sex shop. Would you like to super-size that order?

The Pharmacy. Hey, we said we’re not judging. And look over there, who’s that cute pharmacist? Chat them up; they sure are attractive. It’s your lucky day, isn’t it? In a whirlwind romance, the two of you decide to get hitched.

Wedding Chapels. Remember that good-looking stranger you just met? It’s a good thing you met in Vegas—just head on over to one of the many drive-thru chapels and profess your undying love for one another, and let Elvis himself pronounce you husband and wife.

The Fotomat. Wait, is it 1982 again? Your hair is so nicely feathered today. Go pick up your wedding pictures.

Key Cutter. You’re going to need keys for your new house, so you drive up to a key-cutting booth to help you out.

Pennsylvania State Representative Kevin Murphy. Think your homeowner’s tax is too high? Murphy set up a drive-thru window during his first year as a state representative to make it easier for the public to get into contact with him.

The E.R. Speaking of homes, isn’t it nice having a backyard? You might want to get a swingset for the kids. Wait, kids? California’s Stanford Hospital & Clinics opened up a drive-thru service to expedite emergency room visits. If your kid has the flu, you can swing by here and be on your way in no time, all without infecting the rest of the waiting room. How considerate of you.

Funeral Home. No, no! Everything was fine at the E.R. But cut to 50 years later; we all die, you can’t get around that. But now, no worries about whether people will come to your funeral. Of course they’ll come—they don’t even have to take off of work, they can just visit one of the country’s many drive-thru funeral homes for the viewing.