"I don't consider myself bald, I'm just taller than my hair." — Lucius Annaeus Seneca

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here haven't been many truly great men among the pantheon of famous tonsorially bereft entertainers. There are some, like Patrick Stewart, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Willis, Yul Brenner, and Moby, who possess the courage, the strength, and the bravery to proudly display their baldness for all the world to see. But for every Michael Clark Duncan there are a dozen Matthew Perrys—insecure cowards hiding beneath hair plugs, toupees, wigs, or transplants.

Though a cure for alopecia androgenetica, commonly known as male pattern baldness, remains elusive, advances in hair-replacement technology have improved significantly since famous wig-wearer John Wayne's day. Hair plugs and transplants have replaced the rug as the baldness-concealer of choice in Hollywood, but they're far from perfect.

So out of respect for bold bald men like Howie Mandel, Vin Diesel, and Seal, here are 10 of the world's most shameful head-hiders.


jason Jason, before (left) and after (right).

Jason Alexander

Anyone who remembers Jason Alexander for his brilliantly balding portrayal of George Costanza (a character based on Seinfeld co-creator and out-and-proud bald man Larry David) surely knows that Alexander has been follicly challenged for many years. But when he showed up recently on Real Time With Bill Maher sporting miraculous regrowth, the things coming out of his mouth weren't half as funny as the things coming out of his head.


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It takes a lot of hat to cover up Garth's lack of hair.

Garth Brooks

Baldness deniers who don't want to go through the trouble and expense of hairpieces or surgery can always resort to the old "always cover your head" method. Since we don't live in the 1930s, constantly wearing a hat is a fairly conspicuous method of concealing baldness, unless you're a country singer, in which case a 10-gallon hat is part of the uniform. But even cowboys occasionally tip their hats or use them to swat flies, but you'll never catch ol' Garth without his Stetson, 'cause when it comes to letting his chrome dome shine, this boy is jes plain yella.


elton
Even fake hair can be hard to manage.

Elton John

There are two types of people who can get away with wearing wigs: women and flamboyant gay men. And when you're Sir Elton John and your outrageous fashion choices have been part of your persona since 1970, an obvious hairpiece is the natural choice for not showing your barren skull. 


sam
Not a pirate, just a long-haired guy going bald.

Sam Kinison

The late comedian was known for his outrageousness and his risk-taking (as well as his copious drug consumption and penchant for self-destruction), but one risk he never took was letting people see him without a bandana on his head covering his rapidly receding hairline. 


matt
Too sexy for his plugs.

Matthew McConaughey

Yes, ladies, we're afraid it's true: your favorite buff, blonde, bongo-playing hunk is losing his locks. He's rumored to have one of the better hair plug jobs in Hollywood, although he claims his newly sprouted hair is due to a product called Regenix. This seems highly unlikely, say the bald-spotters at rugorreal.com and baldingcelebrities.com, given the proven inability of hair regrowth products to result in the amount of fur that's reappeared on McConaughey's dome.


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Set hairline to "unnaturally straight."

William Shatner

It's been said that the only thing phony about William Shatner is his hair, his personality, and his acting. And while we freely admit that we're the ones who said that, there's no denying that Shatner has, throughout his career, worn some of the most unconvincing wigs ever seen. Fellow U.S.S. Enterprise crew member George Takei has claimed that Shatner donned a piece even in the Star Trek days, but nothing has been as laughable as the curly wig he wore on T.J. Hooker.


sheen
He may have tiger's blood in his veins, but he has someone else's hair on his head.

Charlie Sheen

Although he claims to have "tiger blood," the former Two and a Half Men star definitely does not have a lion's mane. Experts suspect that Sheen is "winning" his war against his receding hairline with a toupee.


travolta
His religion was made up by a science fiction writer, his hair was made in a factory.

John Travolta

Although he has reached the advanced level known among Scientologists as "Operating Thetan V," it seems there's no engram to detect the regressive gene that causes baldness, so the former Welcome Back, Kotter star wears hairpieces to cover up. And even though his natural look in the film From Paris With Love proved popular, the Pulp Fiction star continues his deceitful ways.

trump
It has been said that it takes over 100 skilled technicians to comb The Donald's hair.

Donald Trump

Money can buy most things, maybe even love. But Donald Trump, the real estate magnate who inherited his vast wealth from his father and his male pattern baldness from his mother's father, sports one of the most ridiculous combovers in history. Although to be exact, it's actually a comb-forward. Trump once threatened to sue Rosie O'Donnel over disparaging comments she made about his morals on The View (he never actually filed suit, however), even though it's obvious to everyone that his stylist is the only person The Donald should take legal action against.


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Little Steven uncovered (left) and bandana'd (right).

Steven Van Zandt

It's hard to hate "Little Steven" Van Zandt. Even if you're not a fan of his work with Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band, you've got to love him for his performance as Silvio Dante, strip-club owner and consiglieri to Tony Soprano. In that role he wore a lush pompadour wig, but in real life he covers his barren pate with a bandana, a la Sam Kinison. Van Zandt can currently be seen wearing different fake hair on the Netflix TV series Lillyhammer, where he plays a mob boss who moves to Norway as part of the witness protection program.