BABIES MAKIN' BABIES
From the weird world of weirdness comes the news of a 9-year-old Mexican girl who gave birth this week. Mother and baby are doing well, but the baby's daddy, unsurprisingly, is nowhere to be found. The girl claims her "boyfriend" is 17 years old, and the parents—and Mexican authorities—are very interested in meeting the young man.

FLIP OFF THE JUDGE  A LITTLE AND THEY THROW YOU IN JAIL
The best viral video of the week comes from the seemingly bottomless "Crime Makes You Stupid" file, which this week features an 18-year-old Florida gal who doesn't take her court appearance as seriously as she should, and is forced to face the consequences. We're not saying that she's obviously high on something, but everyone else is.

MUST CHRISTIE LOSE?
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is calling a former White House physician a "hack" after the doctor made a statement saying that Christie could die in office if he doesn't lose weight. While the corpulence of Gov. Christie is not in question, he is correct in asserting that any doctor who makes such pronouncements about the health of a person whom he's never examined should not be taken seriously. We're not saying that TV doctors like Phil, Oz, Laura, et. al are despicable scumbags who do a disservice to their respective professions by pretending they can gain insight into the minds and bodies of their patients during a 10-minute segment, but they are.

30 FACTS TOO MANY
One of the more popular hashtags on Twitter this week is #30FactsAboutMe. Because the problem with Twitter is that people aren't talking about themselves enough. Not that people aren't endlessly fascinating, they clearly are, judging from this morning's random fact spew. "I like weed lol," "Love to eat but hates gaining weight or look fat & chubby," "In movies I cry when animals die rather than people," "I hate crying in front of people," "I hate 90% of the people at my school," "I want to become successful," and "I luv cocayn" are just some of the brilliant insights we gained during today's fact finding.

AND JUST BECAUSE WE CAN…